Looking-Glass Self

The way humans view themselves is largely built up on the ways in which the primary people in their lives view them. In essence, nobody is free from the views of others, these perceptions that others have of us, begin at a very young age and make us who we are; this process is defined by Horton Cooley (1864-1929) who created the term, “The Looking-Glass Self”.
This refers to the fact that the image others have of themselves is based largely on how they believe others see them. We become self-fulfilling prophecies through the eyes of others.
We begin to form attachments and make friends with people who share the same view of ourselves that we have of ourselves. And the view that we have of ourselves comes from those people who have shaped that view. If someone has come from a family that has thought little of them, their perception of themselves results in low self-esteem and a negative self-image, brought on by the negative views their parents or close relatives have had on them.
Perhaps that is why many girls who have grown up with a father who was abusive and condescending repeat this pattern with boyfriends and husbands. They view themselves the way their father has taught them to view themselves, and they are most comfortable with people who hold this same view, because that is what they are used to, and that is who they believe they are.
There is a pattern that exists between abusive and condescending relationships. Soon, the person begins to see them self, just as the abuser sees them, and it is difficult to jump out of this pattern because the negative self-image becomes a part of that person.
How can these patterns of abuse be broken?

People cannot find themselves alone; without the views and assumptions that others have placed on them. We find people that see the same truth about ourselves that we have been taught to believe.
In Karl E. Scheibe’s book, “The Drama of Everyday Life,” he writes that the equilateral of asking, “Do you love me?” is: “Do you see the same truth that I see?” Do you see me as I see myself? When we have positive thoughts about ourselves we will seek out positive people that will see us for who we believe we are. Yet, if we have a negative and low self-esteem it will be easier and more comfortable for us to find someone who also sees this “truth”; that we are unlovable and incompetent.
This cycle can only be broken through a loving God, who takes his children up and shows them how he sees them. Beautiful, glorious children of God; worth every drop of blood; worthy of love, worthy to make attachments with people who can say, “I see the same truth that He sees.” The One who looks deeper than the skin, and past the insecurities and faces others have placed on us.
People categorize, marginalize and dehumanize people everyday. All of us are tainted with the masks, names, words and negativity of others, but it is when we look past all of that; realizing its weight and power, yet negating it to what is: masks, words, names that hide the real person underneath. When we begin to ask God to show us the truth that He sees then we will be better able to love and be loved in return.