A Walk

My eyes already touch the sunny hill.
going far ahead of the road I have begun.
So we are grasped by what we cannot grasp;
it has inner light, even from a distance-
and charges us, even if we do not reach it,
into something else, which, hardly sensing it,
we already are; a gesture waves us on
answering our own wave...
but what we feel is the wind in our faces.

Translated by Robert Bly

Looking-Glass Self

The way humans view themselves is largely built up on the ways in which the primary people in their lives view them. In essence, nobody is free from the views of others, these perceptions that others have of us, begin at a very young age and make us who we are; this process is defined by Horton Cooley (1864-1929) who created the term, “The Looking-Glass Self”.
This refers to the fact that the image others have of themselves is based largely on how they believe others see them. We become self-fulfilling prophecies through the eyes of others.
We begin to form attachments and make friends with people who share the same view of ourselves that we have of ourselves. And the view that we have of ourselves comes from those people who have shaped that view. If someone has come from a family that has thought little of them, their perception of themselves results in low self-esteem and a negative self-image, brought on by the negative views their parents or close relatives have had on them.
Perhaps that is why many girls who have grown up with a father who was abusive and condescending repeat this pattern with boyfriends and husbands. They view themselves the way their father has taught them to view themselves, and they are most comfortable with people who hold this same view, because that is what they are used to, and that is who they believe they are.
There is a pattern that exists between abusive and condescending relationships. Soon, the person begins to see them self, just as the abuser sees them, and it is difficult to jump out of this pattern because the negative self-image becomes a part of that person.
How can these patterns of abuse be broken?

People cannot find themselves alone; without the views and assumptions that others have placed on them. We find people that see the same truth about ourselves that we have been taught to believe.
In Karl E. Scheibe’s book, “The Drama of Everyday Life,” he writes that the equilateral of asking, “Do you love me?” is: “Do you see the same truth that I see?” Do you see me as I see myself? When we have positive thoughts about ourselves we will seek out positive people that will see us for who we believe we are. Yet, if we have a negative and low self-esteem it will be easier and more comfortable for us to find someone who also sees this “truth”; that we are unlovable and incompetent.
This cycle can only be broken through a loving God, who takes his children up and shows them how he sees them. Beautiful, glorious children of God; worth every drop of blood; worthy of love, worthy to make attachments with people who can say, “I see the same truth that He sees.” The One who looks deeper than the skin, and past the insecurities and faces others have placed on us.
People categorize, marginalize and dehumanize people everyday. All of us are tainted with the masks, names, words and negativity of others, but it is when we look past all of that; realizing its weight and power, yet negating it to what is: masks, words, names that hide the real person underneath. When we begin to ask God to show us the truth that He sees then we will be better able to love and be loved in return.

Chick-a-dee

today a chickadee flew into the library window and was left wounded on the ground before me. Before he hit the window he looked free and wild, a little bird singing and flying against the true blueness of the sky. Unfortunately he hit the window, and he lost his song.

I watched as he lay on the ground. Stunned; hurt; depressed? A boy in the library wanted to kill it because he said that the bird was dying anyways so we might as well end his suffering. Before this horrible plan could be carried out however, the bird got back up and sat there for a while.

He sat wondering if he ought to fly again. Was it worth it? He looked up at me, his little black eyes blinking and he seemed to ask me if it was worth it. Is it? I think so. Because after ten or fifteen minutes I looked back at him and at that moment he said,

"dee dee dee dee" and then flew up, almost hitting the window again but not so hard and then he went up, up, up and back into the sky. He decided it was worth it to fly again. And I think it is worth it; at least I want to believe it is.

The Marines and Injustice

Lastnight in class we watched a video called, "Anybody's Son Will Do." It was about the social injustice of bringing boys into the marine corps to be trained as soldiers to fight and to kill. These boys are impressionable because they are young and in a sense they are brain washed to believe that they are invincible and strong to kill and destroy. This video was based on a group of boys brought into training for the marines in the United States.

After the video everyone began talking about what they thought about what they saw. Most people were angry that these boys were being brainwashed and yelled at all day. They were angry that these boys were beginning to believe that they could fight and kill someone if the need arose, even though it is not a humans instinct to kill automatically. I suppose one the things that upset everyone the most was the fact that if these boys weren’t able to “live up” to what being a soldier meant, they would be considered a failure.

So while everyone was ranting against how these boys are under so much pressure to be something that they were not, I felt as though everyone is under pressure to be someone or something that they may not want to be.

In life we have to jump over a number of hurdles to “get to the top”. We need to be strong and put on a “front” so that we don’t appear afraid or weak. People tell us what they expect from us through their actions and we accordingly have to step into that role. How different are we from those boys that we had watched?

Furthermore I began to think that those boys were better off. They were part of something, they belong to an organization. Most civilians don’t, ordinary people have to work alone to keep their self worth up. They don’t have a group to belong to, and some of them don’t even have a dream.

I grew sad as I sat in class listening to us discuss. I felt sad that those boys we saw wanted to join the marines because they were part of something bigger than themselves, even if it was negative. It scared me because I began to realize that people want to feel important and belong, even if it means getting “brainwashed” or killing other people.

Don’t we all want something to live for? I could suddenly understand why someone would want to be part of the marines, the military etc. Sometimes we don’t know what to do with our lives, and sometimes it would be easier to be part of something where they form your thinking, no matter how screwed up their theology or philosophy on life might be. Perhaps living under leaders that mould you and control you is easier than trying to figure life out on your own.

I want to be part of something more. And I know that I am part of something more…but there are times I forget, and times I don’t know what to do with my life; times that I see a movie like this and realize that we are all searching for the meaning of life. We are all searching and waiting to belong.

God's Grandeur

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs —
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

-Hopkins